uhuh.

ahh. fk it. i got a weird dream. just nia! i dreamt that im in my sec sch~ i quarrel with classmate and the teacher scold me. i used a iron to attack the teacher LOL. then scare dao jiu woke up. -.-

im finding a job.. but the job i found always happened to be in my duty days.. i got too much duty to do alrdy. fk saf. zzz . i really need cash.. :/

Im out of those shits.

Yea. And i made it. okay well. these is my own record for these few days. 6 sticks for 5 days . Hmms. Im trying to cut down to 1/2 stick / day .. or maybe none ;X

& im thinking whether i should throw my "ashtray" away cux when im at home. I din even moke a stick. though i keep have the urge to smoke :X
Ciggs is getting out of my life. SOON!

Okays. Weeks ago im seriously stressful.
But i tried to forgive and forget. It works. It din lighten my load. But still i see the brighter side of it.
I look at the brighter side of things. I tell myself that it wasn't my fault and i doesn't wan things to turn up like this..

Okay things i did for this week ;

I went to k,
I went to sis grad ceremony,
I went meet old friends,
I went counsel friends,
I went buy new shoe.
I played new game (MonsterForest Online by asiasoft)
I played alot dota. (My skills arent coming back to me T_T)

Im glad that i got 3 off days in the row this week.. Hahaha.
I got 14 hours of sleep. Damn song. Nobody disturb!
BUT.. i got a fucking weird dream ytd..
I dreamt that i was playing some "game"
My mission was to protect the baby that im carrying.. And i was stuck at 12 storey in a building. And i tried to cross the "bridge" to next building. I fall off and the words " YOU ARE DEAD " appear infront of me.
THEN I WOKE UP AND TELL MY SIS. LOL
fuckin weird dream can.
Its been so long time since i last had dreams.

21 days more. I will be leaving singapore for 12 days. TIME TO RELAX MYSELF. NO MORE FML . I WILL MAKE IT TO "LML" ( But still.. FUCK MY ARMY LIFE )

X. if ur reading this. and u treat me as ur best best best friend.
Dun let me disappointed again. Dun give up ur life becux of a fuckin idiot that appeared in ur life can. Dun tell me u cannot do anything. U have tons things to do and before that. forget that fuckin asshole. Its ur life. Dun let anyone control it.

HEYHEYHEY

Fuck it. im going back camp SOON! .. yeah its saturday. wtf.. =.=

tag if u do read my blog leh. =.=

If you were to ask me " hey how are you ?" i would simply reply, " my life sucks. "
Like the previous post.. i wrote things im unhappy with. but seems like write down doesnt decrease the weight of load on my back. today, it adds on more weight. this time is isn't on my back. Its on my heart. Its pumping so slow. so weak..

I know i have been complaining about life. In 2months time. From the view of, " dun give up! " now became , " im letting down.. " idk wad happened to me. issit simply becux of that my life sucks. or i cannot afford to lose. Everytime i lost something. i will be emo-ing about it.. i couldn't feel the pride i used to own. i can only feel the shame i've got.

I'm actually beginning to give up r/s.. I dun feel that the problem lies with me. At least i tried . tried to give the person i like wad she wans. Things aren't smooth.. what she told me have slowly becoming lies... This is what i hate .. Fuck life.

life isn't easy

i hope to be back in my 15 16s. when stress isnt a problem to me. i go to sch. i play my games. i tok cock with my sec frens everyday. so carefree.

when in 17 , i realise money is a very big issue.. money isnt everything. but money can buy almost everything.
i had hard time .. but its all about money.

now im 19 , im carrying a load that i could hardly breathe. troubles everywhere. friendships , love , family , cash , career and future.

i admit i do not have any bright future. in my 19 years of life i cant see anything that im interested in, to work as a career. in fact i doesnt have any skills.

my friendship somehow lets me down. i've been believing in wrong ones over the years. the friends that i could trust i always doesn't know how to appreciate.

My family. i have these problems at home , and yea. since young. i doesnt know how to communicate with my mum. she doesnt praise me. she only scolds me. wadever i did is wrong to her. and she thinks that shes the king. im a slave and i must listen to her. i cant have my own idea. she nags me for money. she nags why my ns life no training and so slack. She doesnt know how much i dislike my NS life. I cant even feel home warmth. Everytime im home. im prepared to get nagged or commanded to do this and that.

My sister , shes good to me, i know. But she doesnt know my problems. The only person i can talk to in the family is her. But im also afraid of talkin my troubles to her.. She has the same character as my mum. but not as stubborn as her.. Well at least when she said she will get me a wardrobe , im happy to hear. My mum doesnt care about how i live.

My relationships . Untill now i doesnt have a stable r/s. Im easy to fall in love. when i do, i dun let go easily. maybe im matured from this. sometimes being bored or alone leads my mind to think far too much.. I dun really understand girls. They are really hard to understand..

Hmms. wad else. .
Ya , cash.
Okay fuck this. im forever short of cash. i wanna get a part time job to pay my debts and get my own stuff. But my timing doesnt suit any job. I dun even know when is my off day.. I really need cash..

I know life sucks. Sometimes i just wish that if i fall asleep i will never wake up. I failed in almost everything i done. Even my best game. Dota. I can play well sometimes. But sometimes i suck. and suck totally. I flopped during my last compy. I had too much self confidence in life. But too much confidence always leads me to much more hurts.

Sometimes i advise other what to do. I listen other people's problems. I tried to counsel them . And i did it. But when similar problems lies on me. I just couldn't get rid of it..

2010. Bad year

i hate this kinda feeling..

My best day in my 2010. Thk god that i finally found someone i love.
I just went movie with her. watch ip man. simply love the feeling being with her.

YANTING <3 ILOVEYOU!

Too many things to complain alrdy.
FIRSTLY! FUCK STARHUB!
resumed my line but its not even stable. wtf.
Play dota and got like 6 secs delay. Spike delay. =.=
Zzz

Okay. I seriously dunno how to survive my next month. too many shits to pay alrdy.
Fuck it. My pay isnt even enuff for my damn debts.
I wanted to get a job. But to think of it. I dun even know when is my off and when's my duty. Wtf.

Im quitting smoking. Try not to tempt me with ciggs (:
And im tired now. Bye