Deep inside me.

Hi,
5.42am, friday
Insomnia , flip on the bed for hours. This was expected.. &prepared.
It's just like last time, when i just joined the company,
Bella left me, in debts. Blamed everything, Blame her for leaving me.

Thought it over for nights. I have no ability, no? i have. but i screw things up again and again. Why?
It's my fault, mum lectured me, I need to learn. My managers still have hope in me, i need to change. And sometimes, I felt that you still have feelings for me, i need to run and grow fast.

My friends said i'm stupid, foolish, never go out explore more. I'm stubborn and thats a fact. I always believe in my 6th sense. That's why i dont follow my brain, i follow whatever my heart asked me to do. As usual, in a relationship i am very persistent. I dont give up until i felt that there's no turning back. So, as long as i believe there's still hope, even a very very minor hope. I still will go for it.
I sees no point in seeing outside world because i know what's happening out there. I know there's so many much more "trees". I know and i'm very clear what i'm saying. But i see no point. Its really very hard for me, Wu Wenbin to find a girl im willing to give my best.
I'm tired of those 1 month 2 month relationship. Thats never what i want..

I've let 2 girls down. And both of them i hurt them alot. They know what i'm talking about, same old mistakes. Same old me. I'd never change.

Both of you are totally different characteristic. Both of you are good in different stuff. I regret alot.

For now, I just hope that i'm able to achieve something in my career. Giving my next one the best i can. Behaving like a boyfriend, gentleman as well as best friend. Its really hard though.

I missyou, JNSE