life isn't easy

i hope to be back in my 15 16s. when stress isnt a problem to me. i go to sch. i play my games. i tok cock with my sec frens everyday. so carefree.

when in 17 , i realise money is a very big issue.. money isnt everything. but money can buy almost everything.
i had hard time .. but its all about money.

now im 19 , im carrying a load that i could hardly breathe. troubles everywhere. friendships , love , family , cash , career and future.

i admit i do not have any bright future. in my 19 years of life i cant see anything that im interested in, to work as a career. in fact i doesnt have any skills.

my friendship somehow lets me down. i've been believing in wrong ones over the years. the friends that i could trust i always doesn't know how to appreciate.

My family. i have these problems at home , and yea. since young. i doesnt know how to communicate with my mum. she doesnt praise me. she only scolds me. wadever i did is wrong to her. and she thinks that shes the king. im a slave and i must listen to her. i cant have my own idea. she nags me for money. she nags why my ns life no training and so slack. She doesnt know how much i dislike my NS life. I cant even feel home warmth. Everytime im home. im prepared to get nagged or commanded to do this and that.

My sister , shes good to me, i know. But she doesnt know my problems. The only person i can talk to in the family is her. But im also afraid of talkin my troubles to her.. She has the same character as my mum. but not as stubborn as her.. Well at least when she said she will get me a wardrobe , im happy to hear. My mum doesnt care about how i live.

My relationships . Untill now i doesnt have a stable r/s. Im easy to fall in love. when i do, i dun let go easily. maybe im matured from this. sometimes being bored or alone leads my mind to think far too much.. I dun really understand girls. They are really hard to understand..

Hmms. wad else. .
Ya , cash.
Okay fuck this. im forever short of cash. i wanna get a part time job to pay my debts and get my own stuff. But my timing doesnt suit any job. I dun even know when is my off day.. I really need cash..

I know life sucks. Sometimes i just wish that if i fall asleep i will never wake up. I failed in almost everything i done. Even my best game. Dota. I can play well sometimes. But sometimes i suck. and suck totally. I flopped during my last compy. I had too much self confidence in life. But too much confidence always leads me to much more hurts.

Sometimes i advise other what to do. I listen other people's problems. I tried to counsel them . And i did it. But when similar problems lies on me. I just couldn't get rid of it..

2010. Bad year