I am very sorry for always saying hurtful stuff to you whenever we are in a pinch, whether you are to blame or not. But I just realized that, in a friendship and/or a relationship.. If one person does not want to make things work, then it solely relies on the other party's determination.. Though it does not work out every single time. I am sure that I will try harder next time. I will protect your heart, by any means. Because, you will protect mine too, ne~? True man, ahaha~
"Walk my shoes, just to see, what it feels like to be me.
And I'll be you, let's trade shoes, just to see what I can be like too.
Feeling your pain, you feel mine, go inside each other's mind.
Just to see what we can find."
Day 6, Saturday, November 13, 2010 - A death cycle?
Kurogi now is:
- Eating way too little and losing a lot of weight.
- No longer running around or play-biting.
- Sleeping and not moving up to 20 hours a day and constantly crouches during sleep.
- Hates it when I carry him, as if he is in a lot of pain.
- Breathing heavily, often meowing when he is lying on his side.
- No longer coming forward to my bird calls but can still tag around me at home.
For a day or two, it seemed like everything was becoming better. It did get better and then it got worse again.. Is this a death cycle? I can't seem to take my eyes off him anymore. Every now and then, I will check his whereabouts, check his breathing, clean his eyes and make sure he is still alive.
And now I am having second thoughts if adopting him was the right thing to do, because all the other stray cats look healthier than him even if they don't have an owner.. I don't want to have any slightest regret, but if Kurogi does not get well.. I can never forgive myself for taking yet another life...
Vet. Vet. Vet. Fuck vets. I know I shouldn't have even adopted Kurogi if I don't have the money to bring him for jabs, cures and stuff. Why does it seem all so clear to me now? And now bashing myself, is definitely the most stupidest thing I can do...
B.
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